As you can tell by the title of this post, we are going to be discussing insecurities, and of those I have many. As we all do. As a child we begin blissfully unaware of the world of insecurities. We aren’t comparing ourselves to others looks and we think all of our parents are the most beautiful people in the world. The innocence of it is amazing and I wish we could all stay that way. However, then one day we hear our mothers talking to their friends about being fat and needing to go on a diet; and then a kid at school points out the size of your nose (at least in my case) and we go on to notice more and more things about ourselves that may not be completely perfect.
Fast forward to our teenage and adult years and we have lists upon lists of things that we don’t like about ourselves. Things that we try to hide from others; we use makeup to cover spots and to contour our faces into looking thinner and more defined. We only take photos at certain angles because we want to avoid the double chin, or the tummy pooch and we edit them with smoothing filters to make our skin look flawless. In the media every single day we hear more about models being photo shopped and how they portray an unachievable goal yet we still feel pressured to look just like them. I for one definitely use the above techniques to make my photos look better, I suck in my stomach and push out my bum when I pose. I take at least 20 photos before I get even ONE that I like and am happy with. Of course then I edit it and filter it so that it’s even more “perfect”.
There is however one thing I won’t do, and that’s to photo shop a body part. The reason being that I want people to see me and know me for me. It’s safe to say that everyone has little tricks to make themselves look better in pictures, and although we shouldn’t feel like we have to use them, for right now it’s what we do. I will still edit my pictures in ways that make me feel more comfortable, but I won’t put out something that isn’t truly me.
When my friend and I went out to take snow photos this week, she took a side profile photo of me. When I saw it I was horrified because I am extremely insecure about my nose. I thought it looked absolutely disgusting, and we joked around about how she should photo shop it to make it cuter. I didn’t think much of it until I got the photos back from her and she had actually photo shopped my nose, for fun. I wasn’t upset that she did it, I was more upset that I liked how it looked and I wished my nose really looked that way. Except I knew for a fact I could never post that photo. Anyone who knows me in real life, would know the picture was photo shopped and anyone who doesn’t know me deserves to know me as the person I really am. All of the filters and lighting changes are a pretty obvious edit, but when it comes to the actual shape of my nose, that’s pretty hard to fake in real life. It’s important to me that I own who I am and what I look like; I refuse to pretend to be any other way.
I ended up asking my friend for the photos without my nose photo shopped and she gave them to me. To my surprise I actually didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would. When I feel insecure about something, I automatically assume that everyone else is staring at that particular thing. I mean who is going to think the picture is cute when my nose is in the way right?! Once I took a second look though, I realized it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought.
I started to scroll through Instagram to look at other people’s pictures and see what I noticed. All I noticed was beautiful, happy, people. I know of some accounts where they have addressed their insecurities and when I heard what they were I was so shocked because that never even crossed my mind while looking at them. It may be the first thing they see, but it’s never the first thing I see. You literally have to train your brain into seeing that vice versa as well. No one is critiquing you the way you are, and if they are—you’re doing something right with yourself because they are jealous!
Overanalyzing the way other people look sounds like a very judgemental and critical thing to do, but I don’t do it to pick out others flaws. I do it to understand that literally EVERYONE has flaws and insecurities. EVERYONE. I have to remind myself of that every day. That is why I adore when YouTubers upload vlogs when they aren’t wearing makeup and snap chat throughout their day. It reminds me that not everyone looks their 110% best all of the time, and that it’s okay for me not to as well.
I have wanted to get a nose job since I was in the 6th grade, and maybe one day I will. I have nothing against plastic surgery if it’s something you truly want. However I don’t want it to be something I do so that other people will like me more, or so that I will like me more. I just want it to be something I do if I have the money and if I still want it in a few years. I want to be completely comfortable with the way that I am before making any big decisions about my looks, and I have a lot of work to do and a long way to go before I am there.
What are some ways you own your insecurities? Is there anything I should add?
Thanks for reading,