You were a blur to me. I don’t have as strong emotions of hatred towards you as I did for 2015 but still you were not my favourite year. I climbed into a cocoon of depression and solitude and am only now trying to slowly creep out of the shadows I have kept myself in. You were the year that I discovered who my real family was, and wasn’t. I’ve learned that people aren’t always who you think they are, and that sometimes you have to cut the negatives ones from your life even when it leaves you feeling completely alone. I’ve had to learn how to navigate my life without the wisdom and advice from my mom, and that I will still struggle with every year from here on out.
When I read others’ posts about finding the positives from the year and focusing on them, I find myself stuck. I can’t think of much, simply because I have blocked out the majority of the year. As I said, you were a blur. A whirlwind of pain, of new emotions and feelings, of learning and trying to find myself. I guess I can say you were the year where I finally took control of my mental health by booking an appointment with a counsellor and I’m so grateful to have found one I love. You were the year I learned more about my physical health and am better able to understand the reasons for the pain I have been in, and hope to learn how to manage it in the next year.
You were the year I was brave enough to leave the job I had for 8 years of my life and step into somewhere new. It didn’t work out as I hoped, but it was a risk and I took it. You were the year I said out loud what I actually want to do with my life. Risky and uncertain as it may be, I was able to acknowledge it and say it out loud. Even if it was only to a few people. I used new social media accounts to have conversations with new people across the world, and make some new acquaintances, where I would normally have shied away. I started to analyze what I truly want from my life throughout this past year, and now can go into the next one with a better idea of how to conquer it.
2016 wasn’t all bad, it was just painful and therefore leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Pain doesn’t just go away, so I am fully aware that 2017 will hurt sometimes; but it’s very freeing to leave my cocoon in 2016. Every year has ups and downs and I am prepared for that, but I am embracing 2017 with the most open of arms and optimism that I have never had before. I am ready to take control of my own life, and chase after what I want.
Goodbye 2016, I am grateful for your lessons but I won’t be missing you. Hello 2017 I am ready for you now.